GOZmosis

Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? Witness: No. Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure? Witness: No. Lawyer: Did you check for breathing? Witness: No. Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Witness: No. Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor? Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Day 983 of My Captivity  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies....

No clue what AutoCorrection is? Text replacement, Replace as you type or AutoCorrect is a function commonly found in word processors such as Microsoft Word and programming for Apple Inc. products including the iPod, iPhone and the iPad. Its principal purpose is as part of the spell checker to correct common spelling or typing errors, saving time for the user. It is also used to automatically format text or insert special characters by recognising particular character usage, saving the user from having to use more tedious functions. Input Output yuor your (r) ® aboutit about it where;s where's *bold* bold _italic_ italic Beware! In certain situations, automatic corrections can cause problems. This is particularly so in technical and scientific writing. For example, the biochemical cyclic adenosine monophosphate is commonly referred to as "cyclic AMP", which in turn is abbreviated to "cAMP". A text replacement function may regard this capitalizatio...

A Spanish language teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.