July 06, 2012
Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
June 27, 2012
June 19, 2012
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
May 24, 2012
Job requirements: Professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.
- Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
- Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.
- Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!
- Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.
- The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.
Compensation: $10-$15/hour, depends on the interview result.
Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.
April 13, 2012
April 01, 2012
A young and pretty lady had posted the following on a popular forum:
Subject: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here.
I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.
You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.
My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?
Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.
If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
- Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
- Which age group should I target?
- Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
- How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.
March 23, 2012
March 12, 2012
A boss creates fear, a leader confidence. A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes. A boss knows all, a leader asks questions. A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting.
- Russell H. Ewing
The person who knows HOW will always have a job. The person who knows WHY will always be his boss.
- Diane Ravitch
The real leader has no need to lead - he is content to point the way.
- Henry Miller
The executive exists to make sensible exceptions to general rules.
- Elting E. Morison
The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven't made up their minds.
- Casey Stengel
|A Boss||A Leader|
|Drives employees||Coaches employees|
|Depends on authority||Depends on goodwill|
|Inspires fear||Generates enthusiasm|
|Says "I"||Says "we"|
|Places blame for breakdown||Fixes the breakdown|
|Knows how it's done||Shows how it's done|
|Uses people||Develops people|
|Takes credit||Gives credit|
|Says "Go"||Says "Let's go"|
March 09, 2012
These are all fake messages and generated by a malicious script or some kind of web virus!
If you happen to click the link, a variety of bad things might happen, including passing on similar messages under your name to others and also including things such as trying to infect your computer with a virus. If you have, or think you may have clicked on a dodgy link in a message like this, there are four remedial steps you should take:
A lady in NY followed the same procedure and ordered a birthday cake over email but here’s what they delivered on her birthday – a cake with some HTML icing.
The cake below was supposed to be a mix of English and Italian, but the staff apparently knew no Italian. The problem? Wegman's email system also apparently did not recognize some of the proprietary Microsoft HTML extensions!
It turned out that she used Microsoft Outlook to send her email but Wegman’s email system failed to recognize the proprietary HTML tags of Outlook and hence this goof-up.
This is best explained by an employee of Wegman – “we just cut and paste from the email to the program we use for printing the edible images, we are usually in such a hurry that we really don’t have time to check. and if we do the customers yell at us for bothering them.”
February 26, 2012
February 14, 2012
Some people just don’t realize how damaging some actions can be to a career, a reputation, and a personal brand within their industry.
These five simple actions are why you aren’t getting ahead:
- Being late or a no-show: Don’t make someone else wait to do their job because you haven’t done yours.
- Not returning calls or email: When you ignore people or wait to reply, you are saying “your business is just not that important to me.”
- Doing just enough to get by: As my father used to say “If you are going to do a half-ass job, don’t do it at all.”
- Complaining or assigning blame: Blah, blah, blah. No one cares. Really. They don’t care. You are wasting my time, or someone else's, even yours.
- Never saying thank you: This simplest of actions is the one most often forgotten. Appreciation is the most powerful tool you have. Use it.
Any one of the above actions can be detrimental to your career and can cause a client or customer to move on to someone else. Two or more? I think I see your problem. Are you guilty of any, some, or all of the above--and what others do you think should be added to the list? Change your ways today and you’ll change your career and your life. It is that simple.
February 13, 2012
- Have you run a spell check on your entire manuscript? (If you have problems with the passive voice, run a grammar check too.)
- Have you made sure that character names and place names are consistent throughout?
- Is the chronology correct?
- Is the language in your novel clear and understandable?
- Did you make sure that the text isn’t overly complex, verbose, patronising or obscure?
- If more than one comma is in a sentence, should it be two sentences?
- If you use more than one adverb and adjective in any sentence, are you sure you need them? In fact, is every one of them necessary?
February 08, 2012
February 04, 2012
How to Make It in America works as a comedy, a drama, and a character study that completely draws in the viewer--even if the characters aren't always likable. TV doesn't really get any better than this. And remember--if you can "Make It" here, you can make it anywhere. --A.T. Hurley
The first season received mixed reviews. As of this writing, it currently has a score of 59/100 on review aggregator Metacritic. David Hinkley of the New York Daily News gave the show a positive review, giving the show 4/5 stars, and calling it a "winner". Brian Lowry of Variety was doubtful of the series, stating "barring a dramatic leap in quality" it probably wouldn't last on pay cable. Mark Perigard of the Boston Herald wrote critically, saying "this sad sack of a show plays like an East Coast, economically challenged version of his HBO hit “Entourage.” Randee Dawn of The Hollywood Reporter said the show "isn't as textured and riveting as it thinks it is". Other reviews, however, favored the show in comparison to Entourage.
In its second season, "How to Make It In America" averaged about 2.3 million viewers on Sunday nights -- down 25% from its first season -- and suffered from a serious lack of buzz. (In comparison, HBO didn't cancel the newbie "Enlightened," which only premiered to 1.5 million viewers.
What about season 3Although on December 20th, 2011, HBO announced that the show was cancelled, a Season 3 is expected by the fans of the show following their protests and petition for a new season. Also the executive producer Mark Wahlberg has stated that the producers have been talking to other networks, with the hope that a third season is aired on a new network.
How to Make it in America Desktop WallpaperYou can download the wallpaper here:
|How to Make it in America|
February 02, 2012
January 31, 2012
Big Spoiler Alert! (Biggest Gossip Girl Spoiler Ever)
"Gossip girl here, your one and only source into the scandaleous lives of Manhattan's elite."
"You know you love me, XOXO"
Gossip Girl is
January 05, 2012
No clue what AutoCorrection is?
Beware!In certain situations, automatic corrections can cause problems. This is particularly so in technical and scientific writing. For example, the biochemical cyclic adenosine monophosphate is commonly referred to as "cyclic AMP", which in turn is abbreviated to "cAMP". A text replacement function may regard this capitalization to be erroneous, and so change it to "Camp", which in the context of biochemistry is incorrect.
Some writers and organizations choose to consistently replace some words with others as part of their editorial policy, with occasionally unforeseen results. For example, the American Family Association chose to replace all instances of the word, "gay", on its website with the word, "homosexual". Unfortunately, this caused an article about US Olympic sprinter Tyson Gay to be littered with confusing sentences such as, "In Saturday's opening heat, Homosexual pulled way up, way too soon, and nearly was caught by the field, before accelerating again and lunging in for fourth place."